Let’s be honest—every action movie has that one guy who dives in slow motion, catches bullets with his teeth, and still manages to high-five you on the way down. That guy? That’s your Bullet Buddy. It’s not just a person, it’s a lifestyle. Imagine having someone so loyal, so committed, they’d block bullets for you just to keep your Friday night plans intact. Sorry, Kevin, I’m not dying for you to go on another “networking mixer.” Bullet Buddy saves you from bullets and social situations.
But how do you find your Bullet Buddy? Do you summon them with a whistle? Do they just show up when you utter the phrase “I might confront my ex tonight”? Legends say they are born when two bros fist bump so hard it creates a minor sonic boom. Others believe they’re assigned by a secret government agency responsible for protecting emotionally fragile millennials from passive-aggressive text messages.
In conclusion, life is full of metaphorical bullets: bills, bad dates, and that weird group chat you can’t leave. So cherish your Bullet Buddy. Buy them snacks. Let them pick the playlist sometimes. Because one day, when the chips are down and the bullets are flying (literally or metaphorically), you’ll want someone who yells “I GOT YOU, BRO” while diving through the air like a caffeinated otter with a purpose.
