There comes a sacred time in every adult’s life—usually around the second yawn and the slow disappearance of chip dip—when the clock strikes “Please Leave by 9.” This isn’t a request; it’s a lifestyle, a beacon of sanity in a world of 11 PM karaoke regrets. I hung the banner above my couch like a bat signal for introverts, and let me tell you—it works wonders. Friends now arrive on time, bring their own Tupperware, and give Oscar-worthy exit speeches at 8:58. One guy tried to linger and I simply pointed at the banner while dimming the lights and putting on “Whale Sounds for Deep Sleep.” He’s never been back. Victory.
