So there I was at 3 a.m., shirtless, panicked, and deep in a WebMD black hole. My symptoms? Vague. My anxiety? Terminal. My diagnosis? Probably ghost possession or “mild toe dizziness,” depending on the site. But just as I was about to start writing my will in pudding, a popup appeared: “Buy this 1 of 1 Strapback Hat and feel instantly more stable.” Boom. Cart. Checkout. Recovery. Now I wear the “I Googled My Symptoms” hat like a badge of survival. It’s like a helmet for bad decisions and questionable search history.
This hat doesn’t just cover your head—it covers up the fact that you once thought a sneeze meant liver failure. It’s made with 100% “bro, you good?” energy and possibly medicinal cotton. Every time someone asks me what it means, I just stare into the distance and whisper, “It’s chronic.” I’ve never felt more fashionable or more emotionally diagnosed by headwear.
Honestly, I don’t need therapy. I have this hat. And twelve unread lab results. But mostly the hat.
