Some dog tags say “Max” or “Buddy” or “Do Not Feed Bacon (I’m Allergic).” But then there are the elite few—those proud pooches strutting around the dog park with a tag that reads: “If I’m alone, I’ve escaped. Call my human. He’s slow, but he tries.” These are not just dogs; these are escape artists, comedians, and unlicensed therapists. One tag even said, “I fart and blame the cat.” That dog is a legend.
Dog tags have become the Twitter bios of the pet world. They’re short, punchy, and usually hint at a complex backstory. One tag read, “Will work for treats and trauma bonding.” Another one? “My mom’s single, call her.” Is the dog matchmaking, or just sick of being third-wheel on Netflix nights? Either way, genius. The only problem is when your dog’s tag is funnier than your Hinge profile. It’s humbling.
At the end of the day, your dog doesn’t care what their tag says—they’re too busy licking something they shouldn’t. But when someone finds them mid-escape mission, a good tag can save you from panic… and maybe get you a date. So next time you’re at Petco engraving a tag, skip the basics. Write something that says, “I’m not just a dog—I’m a damn vibe.”
