Every year, as the snow falls and Mariah Carey defrosts, one figure emerges from the tinsel-strewn chaos: the legendary Christmas Dickle. Half pickle, half Christmas miracle, the Dickle is said to appear only when someone burns the Christmas cookies, forgets to buy batteries, or wraps a cat by accident. Some say he lives in the back of the fridge next to the expired eggnog, waiting for his moment to shine.
The origins of Christmas Dickle are as mysterious as Aunt Carol’s “special” fruitcake. Some say he started as a regular pickle ornament on a Christmas tree—until one fateful night, a drop of spiked eggnog dripped onto him, and bam! Instant holiday icon. Since then, people have hidden him in their trees, hoping to find him first and win… well, absolutely nothing, except bragging rights and possibly food poisoning.
In recent years, Christmas Dickle has gone viral. There are now plush Dickles, inflatable Dickles, and—God help us—Dickle sweaters. Parents tell their kids, “Be good, or the Christmas Dickle will relish in your disappointment.” (Yes, we’re all tired of the pickle puns, but it’s too late now.)
So this year, when you’re decking the halls and hanging your stockings, remember to leave a little room in your fridge—or your heart—for the Christmas Dickle. He’s green, he’s briny, and he’s the hero we didn’t know we needed.
