This year, Santa’s got a new gift-wrapping strategy: himself. Introducing the “Stiff Package” ornament — a glittery tribute to holiday thirst traps everywhere. Shirtless, swole, and strategically positioned behind a very suggestive present, this festive beefcake proves that sleigh bells aren’t the only things getting jingled this season. With biceps like boulders and a chest so chiseled it could slice wrapping paper, Santa clearly upgraded from cookies to protein shakes.
Somewhere between “Ho Ho Ho” and “Oh no, no,” this ornament walks a fine line between festive fun and the kind of thing you hide from grandma. Perfect for your office White Elephant party if you hate your job or want to confuse HR just enough to keep things interesting. Nothing says Christmas cheer quite like a six-pack you didn’t know came standard with Santa’s suit.
Honestly, if the North Pole ever opens a Magic Mike branch, this guy’s the headliner. So this year, instead of milk and cookies, leave out some creatine and a phone number. You never know — Santa might slide down your chimney and flex his… holiday spirit.
