You know what amazes me? The government can somehow misplace an entire list of powerful people tied to a billionaire criminal, yet I get a second notice for a $75 speeding ticket like I’m running an underground drag racing league. Where’s my magical “oopsie, we lost it” energy? If the Epstein list vanished like Houdini in a fog machine, surely that one time I did 43 in a 35 doesn’t need to haunt my mailbox like a broke ghost.
And let’s talk about that sticker they slap on your windshield. That bright orange “SHAME ON YOU” square of doom that says, “Yes, I’m a menace to society. Please judge me at red lights.” What is this, a scarlet letter for doing a California roll at a stop sign? If the powers that be can scrub an entire scandal from the records, maybe someone can “accidentally” send my ticket to Area 51.
Until then, I’m printing a bumper sticker that reads: “If Epstein’s List is Missing, So Is My Speeding Ticket” and slapping it right over that shame-sticker. Let’s see which conspiracy disappears faster.
