If I Ever Get Rabies Custom Printed T-Shirt Some people wear shirts that say “Blessed” or “Live $25.95
I’m Not Like Other Girls I Have Hemorrhoids Iridescent Acrylic Motel Keychain Some people collect keychains for style, some for memories, $9.60
If You Don’t Drink Hat Custom Embroidered Cap They say you can’t buy happiness, but apparently, you $35.95
All I Want Is A Cigarette Custom Embroidered Dad Hat If you’ve ever wanted your headwear to scream, “I $29.95
$30 for a Damn Haunted House Tucker Hat Custom Embroidered Listen, if you’re gonna spend $30 on anything this $35.95
I Drink Pond Water Hat Potent Frog Official Merch Custom Embroidered If you’ve ever wanted to simultaneously channel grandpa-at-the-bait-shop vibes $35.95
No You Hang Up Sticker – Cute Ghost Mask Glitter Vinyl Sticker Some stickers say “cute.” This one says, “I’m emotionally $4.99
ITS NOT THE 4TH OF JULY UNTIL MY WIENER COMES OUT CUSTOM PRINTED T-SHIRT Let’s be honest: nothing screams “America” louder than grilled $29.99
Secretion of the Ooze Briefs These aren’t just briefs—they’re a full-blown psychedelic fever dream $11.99
Day Drinking Therapy Hat Custom Embroidered Let’s face it—adulting is hard. Somewhere between the crippling $35.95
I Don’t Wear Seatbelts – I Ain’t into B.D.S.M. Bumper Sticker There are two kinds of people in this world: $10.50