$30 for a Damn Haunted House Tucker Hat Custom Embroidered Listen, if you’re gonna spend $30 on anything this $35.95
If I’m Not Speeding, Then I’m Not Maximizing Shareholder Value There are bumper stickers, and then there’s this one: $10.50
Waylon Jennings and My Mother Had a Brief Fling Embroidered on a Rope SnapBack Hat Cap The first time I saw the hat—olive green, rope $35.95
I Drink Pond Water Hat Potent Frog Official Merch Custom Embroidered If you’ve ever wanted to simultaneously channel grandpa-at-the-bait-shop vibes $35.95
Pirate Fruit Whiskey & Wine Decanter, 34 OZ Anime Pirate Devil Colored Barware You ever look at your bar setup and think… $89.99
Endless Meowy Christmas With Glitter Behold the purr-fect holiday greeting card that’s equal parts $9.99
Day Drinking Therapy Hat Custom Embroidered Let’s face it—adulting is hard. Somewhere between the crippling $35.95
HOOKS! XPLR – Portable Metal Ring Toss Game You know those wholesome camping trips where everyone says $79.99
Marine Big Box Wall Decor Murphy with Decanter The Marine Big Box Wall Decor Murphy with Decanter $249.95
Undiagnosed But I Think I Got a Lil Tism Hat Custom Embroidered It started as a joke—like all my coping mechanisms—but $35.95
If You Don’t Drink Hat Custom Embroidered Cap They say you can’t buy happiness, but apparently, you $35.95
Secretion of the Ooze Briefs These aren’t just briefs—they’re a full-blown psychedelic fever dream $11.99
I Only Eat Lemon Pound Cake Funny Hat Viral TikTok Meme Cap Bold Humor Embroidered There are two types of people in this world: $35.95