We get it. The holidays are expensive. Rent is expensive. Existential dread is expensive. This image represents our entire philosophy: Budget Gifts, Because We’re All Broke & Delusional. It’s a magnificent, absurd structure made entirely of festive paper—a beautiful monument to spending a ton of time but almost no money. While the cannon itself might be purely inspirational, the items we sell inside your price range will still feel like you’re launching a small, fun grenade of chaos into someone’s life.
This isn’t just a hat; it’s a social history document. We’ve all been there: The 9:00 PM decision to hit the ‘Bees for bottomless apps and a $5 cocktail special that tasted suspiciously like high-fructose corn syrup. And the next morning? Regret. Now you can skip the awkward explanation and just wear the Hat! It instantly communicates: “I had a great time, my bank account is slightly worried, and I absolutely do not remember your name.” The perfect piece for embracing peak suburban chaos.
Are you tired of that boring, responsible-looking Visa in your wallet? Upgrade your purchasing power to the intelligence level of a starfish! This Patrick Star Credit Card Sticker Cover lets you Swipe with Starfish Confidence. It won’t prevent you from making terrible financial decisions—in fact, it encourages them—but it will make your barista giggle. Let Patrick be the face of your impulse buys. After all, if he can’t save money, why should you?
The Sloth Steps Slippers are for anyone who treats “walking” like an extreme sport. These are the official footwear of taking a five-minute break from your desk job to check if the fridge still has cheese. They are slow, cozy, and aggressively adorable. They signal to everyone in your home that your current speed is “barely.” Warning: Putting these on may induce an immediate and overwhelming desire to take a nap that lasts until 2026.
The year is 1997. Your angst is real, but your listening habits are confusing. We bring you the Nirvanson Parody Shirt! It’s the perfect blend of 90s grunge and 90s pop-rock that will make every Boomer scratch their head and every Millennial question their entire youth. It’s a beautifully incorrect piece of fashion. Get one today and confuse a stranger—it’s the little joys that make life worth wasting money on.
Need a calendar that reminds you of how immature you are, 12 times a year? Introducing the Nature’s Cock Shots 2026 Calendar! This masterpiece is a glorious collection of accidental, yet unmistakable, phallic natural formations. Hang it up at the office (at your own risk) or simply enjoy it in your kitchen. It’s the perfect conversation starter for the person who loves the great outdoors but also has the maturity level of a 12-year-old.
Let’s be honest, reading is an active quest. And sometimes, you just need to pause the narrative before the next boss battle (like, say, doing the dishes). This awesome video game-themed bookmark is the essential tool for readers who treat life like a video game. Use the “Save Your Progress” bookmark to mark your spot, then close the book, step away, and go grind for XP (or just go back to scrolling on your phone). It’s a tiny piece of nostalgic perfection.
We know you’re too polite to actually flip off the person blinding you from behind, but you’re not too polite to passive-aggressively warn them with this Nice High Beams Bumper Sticker. Featuring a sweet lady with a slightly threatening firearm, this sticker is perfect for cars with personality and zero shame. It’s the perfect way to communicate: “Turn down your lights, or Grandma gets serious.”
Does the sound of an unread email ding give you chronic eyelid twitch? Light up this “Merry Christmas, Please Reply to My Email” Candle and let the official scent of holiday stress and passive-aggressive workplace communication fill the room. Poured with a festive “Christmas Apple Pie” scent, it’s the perfect, HR-approved way to tell your colleagues you’re tired of chasing down those deliverables. The only thing sweeter than the apple pie is the satisfaction of knowing you gifted this.
