Tired of the same old chocolates and sappy greeting cards? Ready to give Cupid the middle finger and a hearty laugh? Look no further than the Valentine’s Day Pack you never knew you needed: a Gummy Bag of Dicks, a Pop-Up Dick Card, and—if you’re feeling extra festive—Optional Dick Confetti. Because nothing says “I love you” quite like a colorful, sugary phallic parade wrapped in a bow. It’s the perfect combo of sweet, sassy, and slightly inappropriate—just like your relationship.
Let’s start with the pièce de résistance: the Gummy Bag of Dicks. These chewy, colorful, and anatomically questionable gummies are here to add a little flavor (and a whole lot of humor) to your Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re giving them to your significant other, your best friend, or your least favorite coworker (because why not?), these tiny treats will have everyone giggling between bites. They say revenge is sweet, but a gummy bag of dicks? That’s revenge with a punchline.
Next up, we’ve got the Pop-Up Dick Card. Imagine your loved one opening a seemingly innocent Valentine’s card, expecting a heartfelt message… and BAM! Out springs a 3D paper pecker, right in their unsuspecting face. It’s like a Jack-in-the-Box, but way funnier (and significantly more awkward). Whether you write something heartfelt or downright dirty inside is up to you, but one thing’s for sure: this card will be remembered long after the flowers have wilted and the chocolates have been devoured.
And for the pièce de résistance (yes, there are two), let’s talk about the Optional Dick Confetti. Because why stop at just one surprise when you can have dozens? Picture this: your special someone opens their card, and not only does a pop-up dick greet them, but a cascade of tiny, glittery, phallic-shaped confetti rains down like the world’s most inappropriate snowstorm. It’s messy, it’s unexpected, and it’s hilarious. Just don’t blame us if you’re still finding rogue confetti in your couch cushions three months later.
But here’s the beauty of the Valentine’s Day Pack: it’s versatile. It’s the perfect gift for your partner with a killer sense of humor, your single friend who’s over Valentine’s Day, or even your sibling who needs a reminder that you’ll always be the funnier one. Whether you’re in love, in like, or just in it for the laughs, this pack delivers big time—literally and figuratively.
At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be all roses and candlelight dinners. Sometimes, the best way to say “I love you” is through laughter—and a bag full of gummy dicks. So ditch the clichés, embrace the absurdity, and make this Valentine’s one to remember (and possibly one to never fully recover from).
Because love is sweet, but a Pop-Up Dick Card with confetti? That’s unforgettable.
