Valentine’s Day is a time for love, romance, and…well, a little bit of spice. Sure, flowers and chocolates are nice, but why not surprise your boo with something that will make them blush, laugh, and maybe even question your sanity a little? If you’re looking to get your special someone something both naughty and hilarious this year, these quirky gifts will hit all the right spots (pun fully intended). Buckle up, because this Valentine’s Day, we’re going beyond the traditional roses and heart-shaped boxes.
Here are 16 ridiculously funny, slightly kinky gifts guaranteed to make this February 14th unforgettable!
1. Freak Or Drink Couple Edition
Test your relationship’s boundaries with this daring couple’s game. Think truth or dare, but with way more freak and a lot more drink. You’ll either bond over your wild revelations or wake up with a hangover and some newfound knowledge of your partner’s deepest, darkest desires. No matter what happens, your Valentine’s night will definitely be memorable.
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2. Scratch & Date Naughty Edition
Scratch off a little more than just the surface of your relationship with these spicy date ideas. Perfect for those who are tired of Netflix and chill and want to kick it up a notch—or several. Whether it’s role-playing, a sexy scavenger hunt, or just taking naughty selfies together, this is your invitation to go from “meh” to “hell yes.”
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3. Hollabear – Shawty U Fine Bear
Who says teddy bears can’t be gangsta? This hilariously suave bear lets your significant other know exactly how fine they are, with none of the cheesiness of a Hallmark card. Just look into his eyes and say, “Shawty, you fine,” and watch as they swoon. Bonus points if you serenade them with your best rendition of Usher’s Yeah!
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4. The Love Blanket
Wrap yourself in love—or more accurately, in a giant red blanket that loudly declares your affection. Perfect for Netflix marathons, post-Valentine’s dinner naps, or, let’s be real, covering up that pile of takeout containers you forgot to throw away.
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5. Freak Dust Banging Chocolate
Nothing says “I love you” like edible body dust that’s, uh, designed for adult fun. It comes in delicious flavors like Strawberry Daiquiri, Pina Colada, Minty Mojito, and Pop My Cherry. Sprinkle it on your partner, and let’s just say, dessert will never be the same again. Get creative, because things are about to get freaky (and chocolatey).
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6. Live Fast. Eat Ass – Edible Anus Chocolate Gift
If you’re looking to give your Valentine a literal piece of your heart (well, kind of), this edible anus chocolate gift is for you. It’s bold, it’s brave, and it’s guaranteed to get a reaction. Whether that reaction is laughter, shock, or an eyebrow raise, it’s a risk worth taking. This box of chocolates isn’t for the faint of heart—or taste buds.
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7. Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Eat Coochie And Booty Hole Too Hat
Roses are overrated, and this hat knows it. For the bold partner who’s not afraid to wear their (very) specific preferences on their sleeve—or head. This might not be something you wear to brunch with Grandma, but for that late-night hang, it’s a guaranteed conversation starter. Just make sure you’re ready for the conversations it will start!
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8. Grow Old Inappropriate 3D Greeting Card
Why give a basic card when you can give a pop-up masterpiece of inappropriate humor? This 3D greeting card is like a visual slap in the face with its raunchy jokes and 3D “surprises.” It’ll make them laugh, cry, and possibly question your taste in greeting cards.
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9. Love Bag of Dicks – A Heartfelt Gift
Forget flowers. What your Valentine really needs is a bag full of, um, anatomically correct gummy candies. This “heartfelt” gift is a sweet, playful way to tell them you love them… and also that they can, well, eat a bag of dicks.
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10. Freak Or Drink Group Edition
If you’re celebrating V-Day with friends (or more than one partner, no judgment), this group edition of Freak or Drink will have everyone spilling their deepest secrets. It’s perfect for breaking the ice or heating things up with your closest pals. Things are bound to get wild as the game goes on—just make sure you’ve got plenty of drinks ready!
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11. Chocolate Dick
Some people love chocolates; others love, well…you know where this is going. This oversized, anatomically accurate chocolate is a perfect gag gift (or snack). The best part? It’s surprisingly delicious—once you get over the shape. Just be careful where you take a bite.
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12. Naughty Eggplant Inappropriate 3D Greeting Card
Nothing says “I love you” like an eggplant emoji brought to life in a 3D greeting card. Whether it’s the perfect gift for your meme-loving partner or you just want to send a clear message, this card will definitely get the point across.
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13. Cum Rag
Yes, it’s exactly what you think it is—and no, you’re not wrong to laugh. This towel is the perfect combination of practical and utterly ridiculous. Great for those moments when you’re, uh, all out of tissues. Your partner will be shocked, amused, and possibly impressed by your boldness.
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14. National Treasure Mug
For the history buff who also happens to be freaky, this mug says it all. Nothing screams “romance” like sipping your morning coffee out of a mug that declares your love for America’s most ahem treasured part of the anatomy.
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15. World’s Largest Wine Glass
If your partner’s love language is wine (lots of wine), this is the gift for them. This glass can hold an entire bottle, which means you can skip refilling during your romantic dinner. Whether they sip it slowly or down the whole bottle in one go, it’s sure to make Valentine’s Day just a little more “intoxicating.”
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16. Endless Never Gonna Give You Up Valentine’s with Glitter
Just when your partner thought they were safe from getting Rickrolled, here comes this glittery masterpiece! It’s a Valentine’s Day card that literally never gives up—Rick Astley’s iconic song on endless repeat, complete with a glitter explosion. This is the perfect combination of romance, mischief, and a little bit of trolling. Because nothing says “I love you” like never letting them down… and covering their entire home in glitter.
GET IT HERE
So there you have it—16 funny, freaky gifts guaranteed to make this Valentine’s Day one for the books. Whether you’re looking to spice things up or just get a good laugh, these steamy surprises are perfect for the couple that isn’t afraid to get a little inappropriate. After all, love is all about having fun and being yourself—even if that means gifting your partner a chocolate dick.
Happy Valentine’s Day, lovebirds! Now go forth and give your sweetheart the gift of laughter—and maybe a little bit more. 😉
